My life at current…
My nanny had left for home last Monday.
It’s been a week managing the kids without her and I’m back to the sleepless cycle again. Even though this time round we have extra help around the house with our newly employed domestic helper, I’m still pretty adamant on taking up the night duties.
Besides pumping on schedule, I’ll need to wake up to feed little Travis and if our timing (my pumping and his feeding time) meets, I’ll be lucky to get him fed on the rocker while I pump, this way the feeding + burping and pumping will end around the same time. As for the rest of it I just need to change his nappy and I’ll be able to clock in more sleep hours. However if he decides to wake up for milk only after I’m done expressing, I will have to take another extra 20-30mins feeding, burping and changing his nappies.
Some of my friends actually asked me why don’t I get my helper to take over the night feeds instead? To be honest, helper 不是万能的, she’s already overseeing so many things, I think is fair for her to get adequate rest at night so she’ll be at her optimal to care for Travis during the day.
Imagine working almost round the clock, she will be too damn mabok to handle Travis during daytime. Of course there will be some nights I’ll need to wake up at 3am for work, this way I gotta rope her in for some graveyard shifts.
However please don’t quote me, we are still on the trial run phrase, if need be my helper will need stand in for some nights so I could just concentrate on expressing and saving myself some sanity.
I also try not to deploy my husband at night because men just don’t wake up in the middle of the night unless you kick them hard in the balls. Also Miss terrible twos will sometimes ask for my hubby when she needs comfort, she’s experiencing quite an amount of night wakings at the moment, probably cause she needs a lot assurance at this stage. I’m hoping this phrase will pass soon.
On the contrary even though I’m shag max, night times are the most precious moments where I get to hold Travis real close. I get to smell the lovely scent of him while I burp him and serenade him back to sleep thereafter; this is another good way to get a little more skin to skin contact. Is pretty impossible to experience the same feeling in the day just because so many things are happening at the same time; Ry 101 为什么, my helper on high alert watching over Travis and the noisy surroundings.
To be very honest taking up night shift is not an easy task, not only you have to beat yourself from hitting the snooze button, many a times you dunno what shit you do when you are in a dreamy state. There was a time I doze off while feeding him, when I jot awake I found him licking instead of sucking the bottle teat.
Also usually the next morning, I have little recollection of the times I was up the night before. Lucky I’ve kept a log book, if not I’ll lost track of the time I fed him the previous night.
keep a log book in handy, it’ll be easier for everyone to keep track of the timing.
As for my pumping schedule, I’ll try to snag in 6-7 pumps a day if possible in order to keep up with Travis. He is a pretty big eater and to be honest, I’m having quite a hard time racing with this Michelin in the making. When I refer to my past log books of Ry, I realize her demand for the day is only around 800ml max. With my average 1 liter supply, is more than enough to sustain her feeds. However with Travis, he takes up to 1080ml a day, which means no extra stash for keep and I cannot afford to slack back even one pump if I plan to go full on breast milk. At the moment I’m substituting 1 feed a night with formula, very unwilling but in order to keep up with his demand I have very little choice. The night when my hubby decide to buy that tin of formula, I actually broke into tears. Yes formula is a great alternative but I probably just have too high expectations of myself, probably because previously I’m pretty determined to go full on breast milk for my little boy.
Is just like you aimed to score an ‘A+’ for a subject but you can’t help feeling a little disappointed when you got an ‘A’ instead even though you know you are already scoring great. Formula’s good but why be good when you can to be the best? So in the end I aimed high and fall hard lor lol.
At this moment, I’m trying to load up on milk boosters hoping to increase my supply as much as possible.
Little Travis mummy will catch up with you soon!
With a helper, the shiok part is I no longer need to wash and clean my breast pump parts (only occasionally), wash baby bottles, get the house in order and full concentration on Travis; I’ve someone to part the baby duties with. I have to say, even with a high maintenance toddler, this postpartum phrase is much more manageable than the last, the last time round was so bad that I had to see a shrink. Also I already know what was coming when I was pregnant with travis, I vowed not to let myself sink into postnatal blues again.
If you are a first time mummy and you are feeling the gloom, afraid to carry your own baby, fearful of his/her crying, feeling disconnected to the world, you may be at the fringe of depression. Don’t let yourself wonder further into this dark path, seek help and talk to a confidante. You’ll need plentiful support and remember, you are not alone.
If you need someone like-minded to talk to, please please please drop me a comment, it will be screened so I could reach out to you in private.
Aside from all the baby duties, I’ve been invited to a few upcoming events but apparently I can’t seemed to fulfill any of it at the moment. I’m hoping see beauty enthusiasts soon but for sure I’ll know my kids are worth the wait so I’ll take things slow right now.
Work is slowly getting back on track, even though I haven’t been actively publishing looks I’ve done on ClaraSongMakeup Instagram, I’m still having inquiries coming in periodically. Really very thankful for that.
I guess I’ll end this post right here right now because I dunno how to end this otherwise, ok goodabye~
❥ dblchin ❥